Yesterday I had the best blog post title...now I forgot it.

Modus was driving my starter husband crazy (I don't know why, what with the being cooped up in small, gloomy bachelor pad for 9+ hours a day, every day, for the past seven months)...

And because my past two months' worth of ridiculously healthy eating (with only a few indulgences here and there) has done nothing but make all my clothes fit tighter, I realized I need to stick with my exercise decision and take myself and my labrador/clydesdale mix for a little run.

I took Moe by the leash and set out for a run around the block.

What happened was me taking Moe by the leash and managing to run to the end of my block. Then nearly vomiting. That is how out of shape I am. Yeah, a block in this neighborhood is three horse pastures long, but I liked the extreme sound of it...

I had to do the thing where you alternate running and walking for 1 minute each. Poor Moe. I couldn't believe how expansive my little area had turned out to be. I, of course, got promptly in the car with the dog once we got back to the house, and started a trip meter to see HOW far it was: 1.8 miles.

I am officially a big fat pu**y.

So then I flopped down at my laptop to google for other distressed freaks like me, certain that there was something medically wrong with me that I was in THAT bad of shape after so little exertion. I typed in:

help i am so

and Google, always trying to finish your sentences for you with its suggestions for what you might be getting at (it took an active listening class) came up with four possible ends to my sentence, based on the most commonly searched terms in its engine. And four only.

help i am so bored

help i am so fat

help i am so depressed

help i am so lonely

The last one made my face muscles press down and my stomach sink and my heart ache and my eyes burn with the threat of tears.

Where are you people? Please come hang out with me. I will be your friend. I guarantee I will like you, or at least find something to like about you.