Tripping and Falling

A little while back during a regular night at home with the family, Meems and I were discussing how embarrassing it is to turf it in public. We both do it often. Like, on a regular basis.

She was accompanying my friend Jason on a work outing. She didn't know anyone else. So naturally, she ate crap on a sidewalk. It was cold outside too.

I explained to her that this happens to the coolest of us, but that she should count her blessings that it was around other people so you could laugh together.

I wore these fantastic bell bottom pants to Fashion Place prior to that, over a pair of tall boots with spiky heels. The fabric of the wide leg jeans flopped around as I walked through the mall. And somewhere between lifting from the floor and stepping back onto it - that heel got bitchy on me and tried to stab the flowy jeans.

Tangled up in the sail-like flap of billowing denim, the heel (and the foot attached to it, and the entire leg attached to THAT), were not AVAILABLE at the moment to support my walking-stance BODY as it moved. So my body lurched forward. My foot yanked out of my opposite pant-leg in time to stomp awkwardly onto the ground so I didn't faceplant there in front of the aggressive Dead Sea Salt sales guys.

I teetered to upright position and regained composure. And kept walking. I made my returns and exchanges and stuff, and kindof forgot. Most people don't forget that stuff, but me? It's such a common occurrence that I publicly humiliate myself that those things have a quick shelf-life in my mind.

Then on the way out of Fashion Place Mall, just next to the Nordys entrance (of course), my right foot copped attitude AGAIN. This time, she got into it real good with the left pant leg. She did not disengage in time to step below my falling body and save it. I flew to the ground with impressive force. Bags and purses and chocolate were EVERYWHERE. I even skinned my knee under my pants and it bled.

And again, there was nobody with me to chuckle with. I just had to get up, straight faced. The same face I use when I'm reading road signs, and voting, and scraping my windshield. In other words, I had to behave as if it was normal. Like breathing.

Meems contested that her trip-and-fall was worse because it was uglier. So, the obvious next move would be for her to act it out in a play by play of the ugly contortions she flailed into, as she soared (in slow motion of course) to the ground.

Naturally, this called for pictures.

Enjoy.

But Meems needed to see me in all MY glory. So you get to, too.

 In order to make us both feel better, Julie chimed in. 

I know I felt better about it all afterward.